Active 9 years ago
Dr Ophelia Strating
@Anastasia Anthrax said:
i have afew things to get off my chest to.
i have missed this place. and i miss how the army was.
i have kept my old uniform and haven’t really gotten around to getting the new stuff.
im not sure i want to.
for me. when i was younger. this place was my safe place. that one paradise is the midst of a great Barron desert.
back then. admittedly, i was not the best person. i was very up myself and it wouldn’t be an exageration to say i might have thought i was the best thing ever.
so. for everyone who had to deal with my massive amounts of being a jerk. i am sorry. i know. its been years. but. im sorry.
additionally. the soldiers over here have died out. i do plan to fix that. if i can. im not all to sure. i feel i’ve let the army down for being so inactive. and lazy. slothful really. sometimes i wonder why i kept my uniform. why i came back.
this place. saved my life a hell of alot of times.
im not sure why i am back. but. i am here.
and here i shall remain.
<3333 aaalllllll of this. I completely feel the same. I miss when I could come here and just talk with good people. my confession is that I miss it more and more and I want to come back.
I’m really happy to hear that you’ve made it through! This is something I went through in the past years and it was so bad, I used to self injure.
Something I struggle with even after making it out through the other side (or so to speak) is that I get really afraid that one thing is going to happen and its all going to fall apart.
Though, I’ve found ways to put a net up to catch myself, which is what I wanted to share with you. For me, it was hard at first to know what made me change from how I was to how I am, but I didn’t take it for granted and always cherish when I feel good.
For me, a big net that I was able to build was to figure out what is worth holding onto my happiness for. For some people I know its their art or their work. For some people its their family. I guess in the end for me it was coming to understand the fact that happiness is the most important thing in the world. When all is said and done, I don’t know why us human-ants are on this rock, but I know that as long as I am here and I don’t know the real answers, I’m going to try and make my stay a pleasant one. In the end, that’s all I can do.
So that’s been my rock. As long as I’m pursuing things that make me happy, I am happy. This has even gone so far as to make me pass up certain job offers and opportunities but ultimately my heart feels much more full having waited for the opportunities that truly make me happy.
It sounds like, like me, you have a wonderful partner who is willing to go to that place with you and still loves you because you’re you. I know not to put too much of my happiness in my boyfriend because ultimately i’m the only one who can make me happy (and i’m the only one I need to be happy) but it helps so much to have someone, even a friend, who will be your emotional sponsor so to speak, someone to be a gentle guide and someone who will help you walk out from the darkness, no matter what speed you need to go.
For me at first, it was an ex of mine who i will never be able to thank for holding me when I was shaking and crying and unable to even speak I was so lost.
But because he dedicated himself to simply being there, not necessarily having the answers but just being there, helped me more than I can even express.
Hopefully you’re like me and you’ve reached this place and so far nothing has happened to pull you (or I) back. One thing for me that keeps me out of it is rational thought and philosophy, specifically Buddhism. I’m not incredibly deep into it and I have a LOT to learn, but there are some simple things that the philosophy holds that help me stay even and what I call “ok,” which is this place of not being depressed but not being ecstatic (which no one can be all the time). For me, ok means I’m ok, that I’m able to keep going and function without that pain and those bad feelings.
I know this is long winded, but I have one more thing I want to share.
For me, I have residual reactions from when I was in that place. Sometimes I will get a sudden rush of anxiety for no particular reason and when I try and analyze the source (which I always do when I have bad feelings so I can understand how to avoid having them in the future) I realize sometimes that there is no trigger. So, I’ve come to learn that, after spending such a long time in that place, sometimes your body goes through reactions that are outside of your control. What I do is acknowledge them as a physiological thing and understand that I am ok, my body is simply running through what it needs to do. It doesn’t make the heart pounding or the shaky hands stop all the time, but it DEFINITELY helps me to calm down and know that it isnt my brain.
I am really happy for your success and I hope my ranting has helped give a few tips! If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Stay strong and fight for your happiness lovely lady <3